dec 4 2025, top 5-star resorts currently crying into my coffee because seattle is not st lucia
how i accidentally ended up at 5-star resorts
used points like a madwoman, cried when the annual fees hit, still don’t regret it
1. jade mountain top – st lucia
private infinity pool in your room. no walls. pitons staring at you while you shower. $1400-2800/night. extended twice because leaving felt illegal
2. baoase luxury resorts – curaçao
balinese vibes but caribbean water. overwater bungalows. staff remembers your coffee order. $900-2000. the food alone was worth it
3. como parrot cay top 5-star resorts– turks & caicos
private island. yoga at sunrise. spa that made me forget my name. $1200-2500. saw a celebrity and pretended i belonged
4. ladera resort – st lucia
open air rooms again but cheaper than jade. plunge pool + pitons view. no kids allowed. $800-1800. hiked gros piton and died (worth it)
5. ambergris cay top – turks & caicos
actual private island. seaplane lands on the water. only 17 villas. $2000-4000. felt like i robbed someone
honorable mentions because i’m indecisive
- sandals grande st lucian (all inclusive that doesn’t suck)
- secrets st james montego bay (if you want jamaica)
- four seasons nevis (points friendly)
things i learned the expensive way top 5-star resorts
- book 9-12 months out or cry
- may/june is shoulder season = half price
- chase sapphire transfers to hyatt/marriott actually work here
- don’t drink 6 painkillers at lunch (learned twice)
my 2025 scoreboard top
- nights at 5-star resorts: 19
- money spent: too much
- tan lines: criminal
- desire to go back: violent
drop your dream caribbean resort below because my points balance is judging me and i need more options
someone send a private infinity pool and a plane ticket i can’t afford.
