currently eating plain rice while having war flashbacks to $180 breakfasts are 5-star resorts worth the price? i blew a year of savings on jade mountain, burj al arab, and six senses to give you the unhinged truth
my very stupid experiment are 5-star resorts worth the price
2024-2025 i said “screw it” and stayed at 9 different 5-star resorts that cost $800–$4000/night total damage: ~$28,000 (mostly points but still a lot of real money) here’s the breakdown nobody asked for
| resort | nightly rate | did i cry when i left? | worth it? |
|---|---|---|---|
| jade mountain st lucia | $2400 | yes, ugly cried | yes but painful |
| burj al arab dubai | $3200 | no, too much gold | no (cool once) |
| six senses zighy bay oman | $2200 | yes, full meltdown | 100000% yes |
| four seasons bora bora | $2800 | sobbed on the jetty | yes if points |
| aman sveti stefan montenegro | $1800 | quietly wept | yes forever |
| sandals (for comparison) | $900 | nah | yes for mortals |
the honest math
average night at insane 5-star: $2300 average night at nice-but-not-insane resort: $450 for the price of 7 nights at jade mountain i could’ve done 35 nights in thailand beachfront villas but… would i have had a private infinity pool staring at a volcano while drinking complimentary champagne at 9am? no.
when they’re actually worth it are 5-star resorts worth the price
- honeymoon / big milestone
- you used points for 70%+ of it
- you’re burned out and need a soul reset
- someone else is paying (manifesting)
when they’re absolutely not
- you’re just flexing on instagram
- you’re gonna spend half the day hungover anyway
- you still have student loans (me judging me)
- you think “all inclusive” means free $80 cocktails (it doesn’t)
my current mental state are 5-star resorts worth the price
i miss having a butler who unpacked my bag and called me “madam” i also miss having savings i have zero regrets and all the regrets at the same time
final verdict are 5-star resorts worth the price
for normal humans: no, stay at the really nice 4.5-star place next door and pocket $1500/night for people who are dead inside and need to remember what joy feels like: yes, sell plasma if you have to
drop the most overpriced place you’ve stayed below because i need to feel less alone in my bad decisions
someone send a $79 resort that feels like $3000 and a time machine
